Dating Apps Are Rigged
As a casual Tinder and Hinge user, I think the game is unfair. The business model of digital dating companies favors women over men.
Sadly, love has become a profitable business. This blog post will give you insight into the trickery of the dating industry.
To understand how meet-up apps came to be, we will walk through the development of sexuality through the ages. So we can understand why men perceive women as the gatekeepers of sex like me.
Difference Of Sexuality
If you believe the evolutionary theory of The Selfish Gene by Richard Dawkin, all social behavior is a means for procreation.
But there are different values and ideas about how sexuality is expressed within gender.
For example, when a teenage boy kisses multiple girls at a party, he is received by his friend group as a hero. In contrast, a promiscuous woman is often looked down on in the female circle, which seems unfair to me.
Historical Development
Historically speaking, most societies were patriarchal. In other words, women were seen as less than men and often objectified.
So when a woman is pregnant or has a child, she becomes more dependent on her social connections. Hence, one could argue that women selected men based on their ability to defend and provide for them.
Besides the evolutionary benefit of reproduction, there are different reasons why a woman had to pick a ‘real’ man to protect her during her pregnancy.
Can you imagine a pregnant woman hunting or gathering berries with a blown-up belly?
So in ancient times, man only had to show his strength or ingenuity to conquer the feminine heart.
If we jump a few ages, religion makes marriage a holy union. Back in the day, most people married because of the economic benefits of joining two families.
Women had no say in most cultures, so the parents were the ones who picked a stable-looking husband.
Fast forward to where we are now.
Thanks to the feministic revolution, women reclaimed their sexuality.
Toxic Males throw people off their games.
It is true that all men are pigs. The trick is to tame one to find truffles. — Lev. L. Spiro
To all women who read this blog post, excuse me for the behavior of my fellow men.
The book Modern Romance written by comedian Aziz Asari opened my eyes.
So there are many rotten apples in the pool of digital dating.
Some men think they can say everything because they aren’t facing the person in the physical world.
Two stereotypical behaviors interrupt ‘the game;
- Males swipe all girls because they only want to get laid.
- Women are picky because of the dangers of evil men.
Sadly, people are still getting raped in this day of age.
Therefore being cautious online is a birthright.
This doesn’t imply that I think women’s selective behavior is justified.
I believe that women should give more guys a chance to date them.
The Female Perspective on Tinder
Imagine you are a girl.
You make an account, make some good pictures, and start swiping.
If you aren’t superficial, you scan every profile to see if the person is interesting.
You swipe right if the guy is hot, exciting, and not a creep.
If all goes well, the conversation keeps both parties engaged. You exchange numbers and go on a date.
Studies on dating sites like OK Cupid show that women are still passive in digital dating, meaning that most women wait for the guy to start the conversation.
According to Aziz’s book, when guys craft an original text, the chances increase for a follow-up, but a simple, ‘Hey’ or ‘I think you are cute,’ don’t cut it anymore.
NOTE: I am a guy, and this is my perspective of a woman’s experience.
The Male Perspective on Tinder
Imagine you are a single guy.
All your mates in relationships or who use digital dating apps seem to get more sex than you.
You decide to give digital dating a chance.
You download Tinder and select some pictures where you think you are looking good.
You make an account, and unless you are a model or photogenic, you don’t get any matches.
After some research online, you come back with photos that should do ‘well’ with women by using, for example, Photofeeler.
You see all these beautiful and intelligent women and think you got a shot.
Like women, if you aren’t out there for sex, you check profiles for heartwarming character traits.
You send some likes, and you hope someone returns the favor.
The Ugly Truth
If you are incredibly handsome, the max you get is 1/4 like-to-match conversion. Compare this to the 7/10 like-to-match conversion of women, and you understand why men swipe everyone right.
It is too much effort to scan every profile if the chances they give you a like back are slim.
If this picture does not convince you, I recommend watching some youtube videos on the difference in digital dating between males and females.
Heightism, Rich guy experiment, Dating women made me understand men, Asking 100 guys for sex-> 30/70, Asking 100 women for sex ->0/100, Reading my creepy Tinder Messages.
Consequences of Digital Dating
Men are considered sexual predators, and women are seen as the sexual gatekeepers.
Is that what you want dating to be?
It also does not help that most metropoles’ dating pool is infinite.
People forget we are talking with human beings and become selective.
One lousy photo, spelling, or grammar error, and this person is not worth your time anymore.
If you get to dating, you disqualify people in a heartbeat because you are searching for the ideal match.
Second Ugly Truth
The idea that someone can comfort you in all your needs is ludicrous.
If you ever found a person who has all these qualities:
- open-minded listener
- colorful storyteller
- intuitive lover
- stag in bed
- attractive
- wise
- intelligent
- interesting
This person has probably 80 years of life experience to filter all the negative aspects of their personality.
Aziz and other modern love gurus support the idea that dating people who do not belong to your bubble give you the most gratification in the dating process.
When you take it slow, you can learn a thing or two about your dates.
Studies show that beautiful pictures and exciting texting have nothing to do with compatibility.
After a deep dive, say a year, you know everything about a person.
Go out there and meet guys or women who aren’t part of your desired world.
The dance of love is not about what you want or even need, it is about what you feel.
The ancient Greeks knew the simple wisdom of falling in love.
We do not select our boyfriends or girlfriends based on specific characteristics. We understood that at high school.
What has happened in our adult life that we forget?
Digital Dating is about something else.
Unless you are bonkers hot, you aren’t able to hook up regularly.
Dating apps say they help you to find love, but in reality, they assist you to connect to more people, like Facebook, for love or sex.
There are some better alternatives as Tinder.
Hinge helps guys with the first message and gives women a chance to see the mental life of men.
Bumble gives the initiative to women as they are the only ones allowed to start a conversation.
Orthodox Thought
If there were an app where the members would primarily sign up for casual hookups, I would sign up today.
But only if males and females have to do regular screenings to test for STDs and mental health issues.
Furthermore, they could use quotas to keep the male/female ratio equal.
But maybe I am ahead of my time.
For me, sex and dating are two separate things.
I would not mind subscribing to a service that helps me with my sexual urges.
Contrary to popular opinion, I believe that as many women as men would sign up.
Only when sexual gender stereotypes disolve, will humanity be truly free.
This blog post is #27 of the 30 days-blog challenge.
